Gen 1:2 Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness covered the surface of the watery depths covered the surface of the watery depths, and the spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters.

Her screams pierced the midnight air, startling me from my slumber.   At only 18 months old, her words were few but the furl in her forehead and distress on her tear-streaked face spoke volumes as she reached out to me and then clinched my neck tightly.  She settled after some time eventually able to be placed back in bed but this peace would not last as the cycle repeated several times throughout the night for several nights more.  Nothing would comfort her in the darkness, not music, a soft light or a fuzzy animal, nothing except holding my hand.  With this assurance of my presence, she found peace in the darkness and rest for the nights to come. 

Darkness is unnerving

Her cries articulated the worrisome nature darkness breeds from the fear of what may exist in hidden spaces.  Even as adults, we find ourselves unnerved by the darkness.  Those moments in our past and in our present stir questions about our direction, our purpose and our potential as mothers.  Concern creeps out of deep crevices leaving us wondering if decisions as rebellious teens, immature young adults or uncommitted Christians disqualifies us from using our parental authority to challenge and to steer our children from making similar poor decisions.  The darkness resulting from the actions of others has left scars of guilt, shame or bitterness buried in secret places, stoking fears over how to protect them from the wrongs in the world.  The darkness from parts unknown and reasons unidentifiable weave doubt of being able to provide the quality mothering we desire.  Darkness seeps around these corners causing us to cry out for comfort, for relief.  With this passage, God responds to our cries, providing a source of peace to settle us in the darkness.

He is present in the darkness

As darkness covered the face of the earth, God hovered over the surface.  In this verse, God shows He existed then and exists now in the darkness.  During times of pain, disappointment, depression, discord and distress from moments forgotten in dark places, God is present.  As He hovers or remains present in the darkness, I envision Him studying, surveying and examining us, seeing through its layer, its depths where the truth of who we are and who He designed us to be exists.  I see God seeing the beauty beneath, ready to call it forth to the surface for view.  As your soul cries out from the weight of darkness from your past or the fright of the darkness in your present screaming you are unqualified or disqualified, God has taken up residence in the darkness to quell the fear and offer His hand of comfort.  Reach out to the one who has conquered the darkness (2 Samuel 22:10) and trust Him to guide you through as He holds you up. 

He cares for you in the darkness

Darkness can obscure our view and dampen our spirits from its weight and depth of despair.  During our darkest moments, we might not fully receive these truths.  These words can sound empty to our souls as they fall hollow on our ears and in our hearts.  I understand this.  I have been there.  I have felt a pain so deep, so raw that during that time I could feel nothing, let alone feel God and the comfort of His word.  Through that time, I realize this is okay because there is no condemnation to those who love God (Rom 8:1).  God is not afraid of the feelings we possess in the dark spaces of our lives or the space we create around ourselves because of them.  God will not rebuke you for wanting to retreat because He is a God filled with compassion (Ps 103:13-14).  He cares for us there, meeting us there sustaining us, providing the energy and resolve to keep going with the strength the stand.

Consider the servant Elijah, a mighty prophet who knew despair.  When threatened by Jezebel, he retreated into the wilderness.  God did not meet him with finger waging and a furled brow. Instead, God sent an angel to care for him while he rested, was comforted, nourished and supported while he regained his strength of mind, body and spirt (1 Kings 19:1-18).  Then when the time came, God called him out to return to the destiny designed for him.  Rest assured that God will do the same for you.  He will keep you in the darkness with the love and support your soul cries out for in that place.

He is moving

In the ESV version, we read He hovered over the surface.  Other translations say He moved.  God is moving through the darkness in our life story.  At the beginning of creation, He looked in the depths of the water and saw the beauty, the potential beneath.  Likewise, He looks past the surface, past the facade of a smile or practiced habits of what a “good” mom does and sees the genuine beauty of our God designed, God ordained selves.  Your past and your present make you the best mother for your child because redemption comes out of the darkness, through the darkness.  The darkness in your story caused God to select you for your child because of their own needs and purpose so do not be fooled or accept the lie, that you are not good enough.  Instead, receive the truth that God sees the beauty of your motherhood story.  Trust Him to do what He does and work in the darkness to sculpt you into the motherhood masterpiece He knows you to be because what the devil meant for evil God will use for the good of those who are called according to His purpose (Gen 50:20).  Good news alert! That means since God called you to the purpose of motherhood, God has it worked out!

As we explore the next scripture, we will look explore further acknowledging His presence but this is not always easy so we must rest on the truth that even when we cannot perceive it, he is there.  Until then, keep trusting, keep believing and keeping sowing.

Sow the seed:  The darkness in your story does not define you, it refines you for the call and purpose of God.  

Nurture the seed:

• 2 Samuel 22:10 “He parted the heavens and came down, a dark cloud under his feet.”

• Gen 50:20 “You planned evil against me; God planned it for good to bring about the present result – the survival of many people.”

• Romans 8:28 “we know that all things work together for good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose.”

• Rom 8:1 “Therefore, no condemnation now exists for those in Christ Jesus.”

• Ps 103:11 “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His faithful love toward those who fear Him.”